Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize