I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
