that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
