whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Where is the hickey?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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