I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
