we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
