I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
