Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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