I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
