Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
