The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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