I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I have post one night stand depression
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