whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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