I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize