drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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