Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
