If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
