You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
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