I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
