im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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