i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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