He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
