it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize