i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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