i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
