chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
