All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
