omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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