there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
