I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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