I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
