we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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