I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
