i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.