I think I won the penis lottery.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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