i think i have two assholes
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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