Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
