I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
