i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
