watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
