butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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