epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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