Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
