Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
