3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize