im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
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