So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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