I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
