I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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