you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
