Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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