why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
