I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
