After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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