I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Drunk is not a location!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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