I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
