After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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