i just had sex bonerless
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
