we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
